The title says it all. Inviting an ex to your wedding is not something that should be taken lightly. Unfortunately, there is no cut and dry answer to whether or not you should invite them. If you are faced with inviting an old flame to your wedding, be sure to ask yourself these questions first.

Are they really an ex?

If you went on three dates, and the spark just wasn’t there but they remain in your mutual friend group – they might not even qualify for ‘ex’ status. If however, you lived with them, were engaged to them or they were otherwise a significant part of your life at one point, they are definitely an ‘ex’.

What is the nature of our current relationship?

Is your current relationship friendly? Or, do you always end up in a big fight every time you talk? Alternatively, do you even have a relationship now? This is important to define as it will give insight into the intention of your invitation.

Inviting an Ex

What’s the intention of the invitation?

This is where honesty is key – why do you want to invite this person? Is it for a small moment of ‘look-how-great-I’m-doing-without-you’ revenge? If this invitation has more to do with your ex than it does your current relationship, its a good idea to leave them off the list.

Who’s guest are they?

Let’s be honest, in big friend groups, it is possible for multiple relationships to happen. This could mean that your ex ends up being one of your fiancé’s attendants! Mildly awkward, but not a reason to uninvite them.

It could also happen that you and your ex’s families are close and are always invited to major events. If this is the case, then you should feel no awkwardness inviting them since it’s a family thing.

Have you had a legitimate conversation with them recently?

Sometimes, people will justify inviting an ex on the basis that they are now ‘friends’. Are you though? Unless you have a legitimate conversation with each other in the past year that wasn’t an obligatory catch up chat – you should probably leave them off the list. Put it this way – if they weren’t an ex, would you invite them at your current level of communication?

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Will they elevate the mood?

Are they going to bring a level of fun to the party? Or will you be worried about them causing a scene? If you will constantly be glancing at your partner wondering if they are okay with your ex being there, it might be a good idea to leave them off the guest list.

At the end of the day, there are no hard and fast rules about inviting an ex to your wedding. Once you have had an open and honest conversation with yourself about your intentions behind inviting your ex, we do suggest talking to your partner and getting their feedback as well. Neither of you should feel uncomfortable with any of the guests at your wedding!