When you first start planning your wedding, you have an idea of what you want your big day to look like – unfortunately, your parents might have a different idea of what you should want…
1. Budget
When it comes to money, everyone has an opinion about how you should spend it. Especially if your parents are financing the wedding (or part of it) they will likely feel entitled to a vote when it comes to spending. Naturally, they might disapprove of how you choose to spend the money. Your priorities may not align with those of your parents. For instance, you may want to splurge on florals and ditch the wedding band, while your parents insist that the only way to throw a party is with live music.
2. Including Religious Elements
Are your parents expecting you to have a full blown religious ceremony while you’re opting for a non-denominational wedding? Do you and your fiancé have differing religious backgrounds? These are arguments that can derail wedding planning very fast so it’s best to get these expectations in the open fast. One option is to remove any religious affiliation from your wedding, while another is to have two ceremonies honouring both religions.
3. The Guest List
One of the most common fights for couples and their parents is the guest list. Your parents may insist on inviting everyone in the extended family, as well as their friends. While you may not have even heard of half these people, it is important to consider your parents guests, especially if they are footing the bill for the wedding. One way to resolve this issue is to give your parents a certain amount of seats at the wedding to fill as they choose.
4. Location/Venue
The first thing to remember is that weddings were a lot different when your parents got married to how they are now. Your parent’s idea of wedding venues are likely limited by their religious upbringing and whatever banquet hall was close. They also may be expecting you to get married in the same place they did, so they can’t imagine why you might want to get married at a craft brewery, or barefoot in a field.
5. The Dress
Possibly one of the biggest conflicts you may experience is in regards to your dress. If you value your mother’s opinion, you will want her to love your dress as much as you do. However, don’t be surprised if she doesn’t share the same style as you and gives you pushback on your dress choices.
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How to Handle It
Regardless of the source of the conflict the key to resolving it is communication.
It is always best to present a united front with your partner so have a conversation about where you think your parents will cause conflict, and decide on what you want together.
Before you even begin planning, sit down with your parents and have a conversation about your expectations as well as theirs so there are no surprises when it comes to budget, or guest list. Let them know that you value their opinion, but be firm on your boundaries and where you will and won’t accept pushback.
