While most wedding ceremonies are fairly similar – you know, the getting married part – there are of course, customizable elements within the ceremony that make each and everyone unique. One of the most commonly customized aspects of wedding ceremonies are the vows. Now, many couples opt to write their own rather than the ‘repeat after me’ vows in every romantic comedy you have ever seen.

One of the biggest complaints that couples have about ‘traditional vows’ is that they sound incredibly old-fashioned. And indeed, they were written in the 16th century. Fortunately, many officiants now offer a few vow selections that you can choose from that don’t sound so…stuffy.

If you and your fiancé are thinking about writing your own vows, there are a few pros and cons you should consider first:

Pro… Your vows will be unique

Writing your own vows means everything is original, which means you can be as specific as you want. From the serious to the kind of silly – think ‘I promise to always kill the spiders’– these vows are 100% yours.

Con… Your officiant may want approval:

Especially if you’re marrying in a religious ceremony, many religious officials will give the thumbs down to couples writing their own vows. Others may allow them but ask that you include certain phrases or that they can have final approval.

Write Your Own Vows

Pro… People will listen:

By the end of wedding season, many of guests may have heard the traditional vows a few times, and may use this as an opportunity to nod off and dream about cocktail hour. If you write your own vows however, they are more likely to pay attention, and bonus, you may even get a few heartfelt tears.

Con… Your partner is just not into it:

If your partner keeps putting off writing their vows while you have had yours done since the day you got engaged, they may be sending you a sign. Don’t stress – offer to co-write vows together and keep them short and sweet so that you don’t get overwhelmed.

Pro… you can turn it into a pre-wedding date:

While some people are open about their emotions, others…are not – just like, some people are really great writers, while others… are not. As long as you are able to recognize which one you are, you’ll be fine! Sit down with your partner and discuss your relationship, things that are important to you and then write them together. Doing this before the wedding will also remind you both of why you love each other in the first place!

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BONUS…You can compromise!

If one of you is super into writing your own vows, but the other would rather not – ask your officiant for some alternative vows that your partner can use in lieu of writing their own. Remember, it’s your wedding and you can do whatever feels right for your relationship!